On Saturday, May 2, I was expecting a FedEx package. I get a little eager when I’m expecting something (a watch in this case), and I tend to check the front porch several times during the day. On what I think was the second check of the day, I opened the door and looked down to see this:
My first thought was that someone was watching and waiting to see the reaction of the dude that opens the door to see a creepy crawfish with a note attached sitting on his porch, so I slammed the door and ran up the stairs to see Emily. She was feeding Charley.
Me: “Okay, you wanna hear something weird?”
Em: Blank stare.
Me: “I was checking for my watch that’s supposed to be here today, and when I opened the door there’s a crawfish sitting on the front porch.”
Em: “A live one?”
Me: “No, a bright red one like it’s been cooked for a crawfish boil.”
Em: “Crawfish are gross.”
Me: “Ooh, I should take some pictures.”
Em: “Okay, but just don’t show them to me. Those things freak me out.”
I went downstairs, grabbed a plastic bag and my grill stick from the side porch, then went to the front door. I wasn’t THAT worried anymore about some 12-year-old hiding behind a tree and waiting to take a picture of my freakout. Besides, even I can appreciate that a picture of a 30-something dude on all fours in his doorway with a camera phone in one hand and a stick in the other, poking a crawfish, would be pretty funny. Video would be even better.
Anyway, I poked the crawfish to make sure it wasn’t spring-loaded, then threw it into the plastic bag using the stick (probably took four tries). Next it was time to read the note.
I was a little puzzled. Does someone think I’m Red Lobster’s CEO? Or was it not directed and me and more of a call-to-action type of thing? Then I wondered if any other porches in the neighborhood got crawfish with little environmental messages attached, and now I wish I had walked up and down the street to check. Either way it’s weird. If it was just us, then why us? And why was this someone walking/driving around with a cooked crawfish. If several houses got them, then the person must have had a whole bag of crawfish. That’s weird too.
Still crouched in the doorway, I flipped over the little strip of papaer.
So there we have it–it was RICARDO! I’ve known one Ricardo in the past ten years. He was a bartender I worked with at Manuels down on Congress Ave. Nice guy. Moved up north somewhere…Portland I think. He’s probably not the one that did it.
To the Ricardo who DID do it, why use a crawfish and not a lobster? After all, you ARE protesting “Lobstefest,” right? I guess if you were carrying 20 or so, crawfish are more manageable. Little piece of advice though, next time try replacing the crawfish with a $50 bill and change the note to read: “Go get yourself some lobster so you can really understand how “Lobsterfest” is hurting our waters. -Ricardo” Do that, and I’ll be MUCH more sympathetic to your cause.
toodark.com 
Thank you for finally clearing this up! I do wish that there had been video, though. I think what I find most humorous is that you worried that it was “spring-loaded.” Too much Teeter says spring-guns are illegal?
Ah, you had to bring Teeter into it! Such fond memories… 😉
I saw a crawfish the size of a dinner napkin that was horrifying!! He walked across the prking lot of our river trail and was angry!! He stood bon his rear and hissed…can u believe it?? My boyfriend thinlks I am full of it help? Have u seen a beast like this?? Sheri in SC.